if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
