Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
