Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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