I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
