i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
