Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
