You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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