The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
