There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
