What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
