Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
