Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
