I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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