You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
