I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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