I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
