Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
