I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
