I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need to sanitize my soul.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
