dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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