ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
