I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
