People in love make me want to vomit
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
