I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
