I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
