I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
