He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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