Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
