what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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