i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
