No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
