Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Please don't give away my fajitas
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
