:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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