Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
