need another drink. this is the easiest way
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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