He uses pillows to masturbate.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
