somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
