You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
