my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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