First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
