I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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