please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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