My hand turned me down
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
