Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
