i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
