you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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