420 ftw
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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