she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
