If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
