I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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