I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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