i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
