she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
